On my walk with Layla tonight, I was letting my mind roam and process whatever it didn’t get the chance to today. A big question popped in my head:
No limitations, no restrictions outside of it being 1 thing.
Dude, don’t get deep on a 9pm walk with your dog. Who has the time? I took it a step further while I was walking toward the poop station to stash the trash.
Unlike Kanye, I didn’t smoke anything to take the edge off. My mind just took it there. I’ve been going through a frustrating time where I feel like I have a lot of “want, want, wants” and “need, need, needs” and was fed up with whatever it was I have. I’ve been focusing on the lacking. Damn the glass half empty; I was mad at my styrofoam cup.
I think part of me is still mad that I don’t have my shit together like I thought I would when I was 14. Silly naive 14 year old Briana assumed that 25 year old Briana would be married with 2 kids, a homeowner, and a PR firm owner. I’d laugh at her if I didn’t think it’d hurt her feelings. I’m 6 weeks shy of my 25th birthday and have Xs throughout all those dreams.
Not that I even want those dreams anymore. Which brings me back to my first question. What do I want more than anything in the world? Out of all of the things I can be frustrated about, what’s the head honcho on that list?
Is it status related like a job title? Is it tangible like a house? Is it relationship based like a boo or kids? Or is it good old fashion peace and peace of mind? Can any of these things cause a domino effect and yield blessings on blessings on blessings?
Like a gentleman I met recently, I’m getting way too analytical. I can easily go down the rabbit hole. I don’t want my life to be a strategy session. As much of a type A planner I am, I also understand that emotions and intuition steer a lot of things in life too.
I’ve always been the type to try to figure out the lesser of both evils, the biggest bang for your buck. I don’t even use gift cards right away, because I want to make sure it’s going toward something truly worthy of the value of someone else’s money. So I’m the same way with this hypothetical 1 wish.
This also makes me think of a great book I read last year called The ONE Thing by Gary Keller. The question I had written on a Post-It in my cube for at least a year:
So I guess my mind wasn’t that deep; I just read a lot. That’s essentially what my question is asking. Problem: disappointment, unsatisfied, frustrated. Then it becomes a scientific experiment where I come up with a hypothesis, test it, get some data, and come up with a conclusion.
But I like my follow up questions too. What’s stopping me from having that one thing? What are my alternatives, my substitutes? And even a step further, how hard would it be to get that one thing if I don’t have it right now?
I think I have to deal with the fact that happiness is my ultimate goal, but I have to redefine how I view happiness. There will be few moments where the planets align just right and everything is going great. Great relationship, work is smooth, I’m healthy, I’m wealthy. Happiness isn’t an achievement to be unlocked like that. It’s an ongoing mission.
Reverse engineering happiness so that I can answer those other questions is the joy that I get to try to figure out, and I hope that you evaluate and try to do your own experiment.
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